The Greatest Reward

Why do you do what you love? Is it for the sheer enjoyment of it? Is it for recognition, to combat boredom, to feel alive?

This piece was my answer to a question I'd kept asking myself: Why do I do this? Some days I get frustrated, annoyed, or straight up pissed off at all the time and effort I put in to painting when something doesn't work out like I wanted it to. Like everything one loves, acting on one's passion can get difficult. I create a painting, I hate it, I paint over it, I trash it. I think I'm satisfied with a painting, then I leave it up on display, and the more I look at it the more I find that I want to change.

I realize that is part of doing what I care about. I always look for a way to do something better, to do it differently, to grow. What I feel like I did wrong, or should've done. What's important to me is learning to sit and appreciate what I created with no judgment because that was where I was at the time. Loving where I was, validating what I created, and learning from where I've been. This appreciation, self-recognition, and growth are all the greatest rewards to me.

I decided to paint about it. Then I realized it was also the name of a Celine Dion song. Not sure how I feel about that.

The Greatest Reward by Hanna Bruer